golden calves...(not about a hot chic)

I am studying for my Old Testament exam tomorrow. I was tired of being at the condo alone and in the quiet. I needed something, some change of scenery. I was feeling something, discouragement, even perhaps loneliness, or something of that nature. The goodness in someone else's life was bringing mine into... (searching for a word that captures the idea of mine not being so good).

I jumped in the truck and began heading to Starbuck's to look for an interruption and to run into anyone I knew...that alone might make me feel better about myself...I am not proud of it, but that truly was my motivation. I justified it in an instant by thinking that God had blessed me with knowing many people and that surely one of them was up there. All that was on the radio as I pulled out of the complex was some dumb song (this seems to be normal ) so I hit the CD button and I knew it was a shot in the dark, I had no idea who would be in that little slot of the stereo. 'Be Near' by Shane and Shane came on mid-song while I was calling a chic on the cell phone. I felt a tinge in my soul, hang up I thought, but the phone was ringing.

"Be near, Your nearness is to us, our good..."

I was calling this chic because I was being impatient. I was calling someone I knew would make me feel needed, encouraged, loved, even significant. (Yikes, this was quite a trip to Starbuck's I was to have) The song faded amidst the phone call. No one was at Starbuck's, but I was complemented on my glasses...seems to happen often, I guess I made a good choice.

I wanted something to make me feel something. In short, I bypassed seeking my wholeness in the LORD and shortcut to calling someone. I basically pulled a golden calf like the Israelites at Mt. Sinai.

"When the people saw that Moses was so long in coming down from the mountain, they gathered around Aaron and said, "Come make us gods who will go before us. As for this fellow Moses who brought us out of Egypt, we don't know what happened to him." EXODUS 32

Basically, Israel got impatient, right after they committed to Yahweh that He would be their God, and they would be His people. It was even specified that they were to not make any images or statues to worship.

I think to myself all the time how dumb they were. But, tonight I was humbled that as I commit to find myself and my strength in Jesus Christ, shortly after, I become impatient and try and find fulfillment in people. The antonym of Him (thank you David Crowder).

These are my golden calves, the things that I think represent God at work, but in turn, are temptation away from Him. Things from God, being used against God, ironic.

May it only be in You. May I find myself in You alone and the satisfaction that comes from only knowing you in me.