the season

So I am going through one of those "times"...Christ followers often refer to them as, "seasons."

Please don't get me wrong...I love this time. I hate this time. I have joy in this time. I have deep sadness in this time. It's a good time. It's a new time. People who were close to me are gone. People are new in my life. Well, of course there's the whole keep in touch thing, but I am not a keep in touch kind of guy...nor it seems are they.

I left my position and all the people along side of me at it. I left the people I poured into and loved dearly. I left my spiritual family. I know it to be absurd, but perfectly the LORD. It is very quiet. Anxiety quiet. I was made for interaction, I need people like people need air. I thrive around people...there are very few people.

::: SHIFT :::

There seems to be this point in life where you are redefined. Um...they are called redefining moments. hmm...hmm (clears throat). Moving on. Yeah, moments...plural. They seem to keep on coming! Sounds like transformation and sanctifcation.

I read this article that was written by another Christ-follower who attends the church I go to. She wrote about a time where she wanted to know this Jesus Christ better and came to Dallas to attend Seminary. She left it all behind and journeyed with her husband. She talks about wanting to share joys and sadnesses with those closest to her...but they were gone. She then spoke about this time of aloneness...and how it was then that Jesus was most intimate to her. Dear sister I agree. And you know this already but, it is going to happen again.

::: SHIFT :::

The Apostles were some of the most inconsistent, spiritually bi-polar Christ followers there ever followed. Think about it. Mark writes with a tone of quickness and immediacy, always activity reporting. Peter reacts, then rethinks. Judas...good gosh, "I want to have him arrested, no he's innocent and I want to give you back the money." Thomas, he got a nickname for his issue. All things changed with the messes of the Apostles when the Spirit came. Think about it. You read it like I do. "What were they thinking." That's your reaction pre-Spirit of God. "Whoa...God did what? How did they get out of that one?" That's the reaction after.

One of the classes I am taking this semester (over in some 79 days) is Acts. And, we happen to be going through that at church as well. If that wasn't enough, the blender of emotions that seems to be my life right now has caused me to think myself like Peter.

But here is what is on my mind. I have been brought up spiritually in a place where the following SEEMS to be true, yes...I am leaving room for interpretation. But, now on the outside, SEEMS seems to be pretty accurate. It seems the Christ following I have been taught has been more about minimizing the mess, acting leader-like, being "professional," that clean spirituality is wise spirituality...it is right spirituality.

Where the hell is the Spirit of God in that? Yikes. My apologies for that outburst (even thought I could've edited it out).

Here is what I see. The apostles were spiritually bi-polar...until...the Spirit of God came into the picture. Then, there's this...1 Corinthians 2:4-5. Look it up real quick...Go ahead, get your Bible...I will wait...Alright. Look at it. "Demonstration of the Spirit's power...so that your faith might not rest on men's wisdom, but on God's power."

So. Where is the power these days? Anybody having one of those lives that is clean? Anybody having a not messy life? My life is a friggin trash heap of a mess. And you know what? It's beautiful.

Think about that word. Beautiful. Full of beauty. I know some beautiful people, I know some hot people. I have seen beautiful things before that demand taking a picture, real if not just in your mind. I have had beautiful moments in my life that no one else can ever see or know the depths of. I've looked into beautiful eyes full of grace and the future. But, this mess...this beautiful mess. It is the very raw material of the Spirit of God.

::: SHIFT :::

I would like to apologize to myself. I often think you need to do better. I often beat you up about how others may perceive this time in your life. Get godly I say. I tell you that your development in godliness is not good enough, that things would be different, if only. That the dreams you had were not big enough, or not now enough, or not then enough. If only you would read this book, pray like this or sing like that, and, even dress like this or look like that. But, that is not the Power of the Spirit of God. So my friend...it's gonna be messy...and it's gonna be the adventure! Think you have it in you?

You don't. But, by a demonstration of the Spirit's power...you will.