Life is beautiful.
It is full of ups...and full of downs. Full of times where the face muscles fight between what seems to be a slight-frown and laughter?
My face hurts.
This time that I am in has been full of face muscles. I have seen defilement. I have seen hurt. I have seen tragedy. I have seen loss. I have seen grace. I have seen distance. For the most part though, I have seen love. I am seeing lives being changed.
You see the LORD wants the messes. I am convinced of this. So are you. You know this, I know this. So why are we so afraid to admit the messes? And, why are we afraid of drama. TRUE DRAMA. Drama is the stuff that lives are made of. You know what I am learning is that when we don't want the drama in our lives or share it in others we are just being so Pharisaic. We are saying that the hard times in others lives are not worth our time or our love.
So GET OVER IT and bear with one another in love. I am ashamed of my lacking to do this gracefully.
Sunday, September 25, 2005
Thursday, September 22, 2005
The LORD has gone before me
It has been a day so far.
I woke up to a song that I seem to not be able to get away from and that ushered me into a bit of anxiety for most of the morning through lunch. I, for one of the first times since returning from China, ate Chinese food today...forgive me, Pan Asian. Hit up the Pei Wei! In my endeavor to eat better, I hit up the ol stand-by Crispy Honey Chicken and brown rice and chased it with an Orange-Green Tea. Love that stuff.
I was one of those guys who wanted to shut out the world around me today so I brought the iPod in for lunch and shut everyone out with my non-verbal. I was on shuffle listening to U2, David Gray, Black Eyed Peas, and then...Irving Bible Church. Yeah the last one was a message on loss and hurt by some dude other than Andy.
::: SHIFT :::
Last night I talked with Jonathan Coleman. God really used him in my life last night as all we did was catch up. But he shared about a verse he read this week. Isaiah 44. I needed that. It was like a bit on the fly but it was quality. And I needed to look forward more I realized. I have been trying to figure out so much that truly thinking beyond December has been a little bit of a challenge on me. I have been looking into the last 6 months and wondering what have I not learned out of my "circumstance", did I miss something?, how did things get here?, what did I do to be transitioning so much in so many areas at one time. It's a silly question because in my heart I know my "circumstances" are under divine order and control. So, I KNOW, why and what and who and how, but I still in my heart wonder.
::: SHIFT :::
Ruth and Boaz were amazing people. Last night I had to rewrite their story in a contemporary setting. Go read about them, it's only 4 chapters. So all of this comes together in a verse that a friend of mine gave me this summer. And as her family is stuck in Houston without being able to evacuate, I shared it back to her. In the discouraging times..."The LORD has gone before you..."
I woke up to a song that I seem to not be able to get away from and that ushered me into a bit of anxiety for most of the morning through lunch. I, for one of the first times since returning from China, ate Chinese food today...forgive me, Pan Asian. Hit up the Pei Wei! In my endeavor to eat better, I hit up the ol stand-by Crispy Honey Chicken and brown rice and chased it with an Orange-Green Tea. Love that stuff.
I was one of those guys who wanted to shut out the world around me today so I brought the iPod in for lunch and shut everyone out with my non-verbal. I was on shuffle listening to U2, David Gray, Black Eyed Peas, and then...Irving Bible Church. Yeah the last one was a message on loss and hurt by some dude other than Andy.
::: SHIFT :::
Last night I talked with Jonathan Coleman. God really used him in my life last night as all we did was catch up. But he shared about a verse he read this week. Isaiah 44. I needed that. It was like a bit on the fly but it was quality. And I needed to look forward more I realized. I have been trying to figure out so much that truly thinking beyond December has been a little bit of a challenge on me. I have been looking into the last 6 months and wondering what have I not learned out of my "circumstance", did I miss something?, how did things get here?, what did I do to be transitioning so much in so many areas at one time. It's a silly question because in my heart I know my "circumstances" are under divine order and control. So, I KNOW, why and what and who and how, but I still in my heart wonder.
::: SHIFT :::
Ruth and Boaz were amazing people. Last night I had to rewrite their story in a contemporary setting. Go read about them, it's only 4 chapters. So all of this comes together in a verse that a friend of mine gave me this summer. And as her family is stuck in Houston without being able to evacuate, I shared it back to her. In the discouraging times..."The LORD has gone before you..."
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
the season
So I am going through one of those "times"...Christ followers often refer to them as, "seasons."
Please don't get me wrong...I love this time. I hate this time. I have joy in this time. I have deep sadness in this time. It's a good time. It's a new time. People who were close to me are gone. People are new in my life. Well, of course there's the whole keep in touch thing, but I am not a keep in touch kind of guy...nor it seems are they.
I left my position and all the people along side of me at it. I left the people I poured into and loved dearly. I left my spiritual family. I know it to be absurd, but perfectly the LORD. It is very quiet. Anxiety quiet. I was made for interaction, I need people like people need air. I thrive around people...there are very few people.
::: SHIFT :::
There seems to be this point in life where you are redefined. Um...they are called redefining moments. hmm...hmm (clears throat). Moving on. Yeah, moments...plural. They seem to keep on coming! Sounds like transformation and sanctifcation.
I read this article that was written by another Christ-follower who attends the church I go to. She wrote about a time where she wanted to know this Jesus Christ better and came to Dallas to attend Seminary. She left it all behind and journeyed with her husband. She talks about wanting to share joys and sadnesses with those closest to her...but they were gone. She then spoke about this time of aloneness...and how it was then that Jesus was most intimate to her. Dear sister I agree. And you know this already but, it is going to happen again.
::: SHIFT :::
The Apostles were some of the most inconsistent, spiritually bi-polar Christ followers there ever followed. Think about it. Mark writes with a tone of quickness and immediacy, always activity reporting. Peter reacts, then rethinks. Judas...good gosh, "I want to have him arrested, no he's innocent and I want to give you back the money." Thomas, he got a nickname for his issue. All things changed with the messes of the Apostles when the Spirit came. Think about it. You read it like I do. "What were they thinking." That's your reaction pre-Spirit of God. "Whoa...God did what? How did they get out of that one?" That's the reaction after.
One of the classes I am taking this semester (over in some 79 days) is Acts. And, we happen to be going through that at church as well. If that wasn't enough, the blender of emotions that seems to be my life right now has caused me to think myself like Peter.
But here is what is on my mind. I have been brought up spiritually in a place where the following SEEMS to be true, yes...I am leaving room for interpretation. But, now on the outside, SEEMS seems to be pretty accurate. It seems the Christ following I have been taught has been more about minimizing the mess, acting leader-like, being "professional," that clean spirituality is wise spirituality...it is right spirituality.
Where the hell is the Spirit of God in that? Yikes. My apologies for that outburst (even thought I could've edited it out).
Here is what I see. The apostles were spiritually bi-polar...until...the Spirit of God came into the picture. Then, there's this...1 Corinthians 2:4-5. Look it up real quick...Go ahead, get your Bible...I will wait...Alright. Look at it. "Demonstration of the Spirit's power...so that your faith might not rest on men's wisdom, but on God's power."
So. Where is the power these days? Anybody having one of those lives that is clean? Anybody having a not messy life? My life is a friggin trash heap of a mess. And you know what? It's beautiful.
Think about that word. Beautiful. Full of beauty. I know some beautiful people, I know some hot people. I have seen beautiful things before that demand taking a picture, real if not just in your mind. I have had beautiful moments in my life that no one else can ever see or know the depths of. I've looked into beautiful eyes full of grace and the future. But, this mess...this beautiful mess. It is the very raw material of the Spirit of God.
::: SHIFT :::
I would like to apologize to myself. I often think you need to do better. I often beat you up about how others may perceive this time in your life. Get godly I say. I tell you that your development in godliness is not good enough, that things would be different, if only. That the dreams you had were not big enough, or not now enough, or not then enough. If only you would read this book, pray like this or sing like that, and, even dress like this or look like that. But, that is not the Power of the Spirit of God. So my friend...it's gonna be messy...and it's gonna be the adventure! Think you have it in you?
You don't. But, by a demonstration of the Spirit's power...you will.
Please don't get me wrong...I love this time. I hate this time. I have joy in this time. I have deep sadness in this time. It's a good time. It's a new time. People who were close to me are gone. People are new in my life. Well, of course there's the whole keep in touch thing, but I am not a keep in touch kind of guy...nor it seems are they.
I left my position and all the people along side of me at it. I left the people I poured into and loved dearly. I left my spiritual family. I know it to be absurd, but perfectly the LORD. It is very quiet. Anxiety quiet. I was made for interaction, I need people like people need air. I thrive around people...there are very few people.
::: SHIFT :::
There seems to be this point in life where you are redefined. Um...they are called redefining moments. hmm...hmm (clears throat). Moving on. Yeah, moments...plural. They seem to keep on coming! Sounds like transformation and sanctifcation.
I read this article that was written by another Christ-follower who attends the church I go to. She wrote about a time where she wanted to know this Jesus Christ better and came to Dallas to attend Seminary. She left it all behind and journeyed with her husband. She talks about wanting to share joys and sadnesses with those closest to her...but they were gone. She then spoke about this time of aloneness...and how it was then that Jesus was most intimate to her. Dear sister I agree. And you know this already but, it is going to happen again.
::: SHIFT :::
The Apostles were some of the most inconsistent, spiritually bi-polar Christ followers there ever followed. Think about it. Mark writes with a tone of quickness and immediacy, always activity reporting. Peter reacts, then rethinks. Judas...good gosh, "I want to have him arrested, no he's innocent and I want to give you back the money." Thomas, he got a nickname for his issue. All things changed with the messes of the Apostles when the Spirit came. Think about it. You read it like I do. "What were they thinking." That's your reaction pre-Spirit of God. "Whoa...God did what? How did they get out of that one?" That's the reaction after.
One of the classes I am taking this semester (over in some 79 days) is Acts. And, we happen to be going through that at church as well. If that wasn't enough, the blender of emotions that seems to be my life right now has caused me to think myself like Peter.
But here is what is on my mind. I have been brought up spiritually in a place where the following SEEMS to be true, yes...I am leaving room for interpretation. But, now on the outside, SEEMS seems to be pretty accurate. It seems the Christ following I have been taught has been more about minimizing the mess, acting leader-like, being "professional," that clean spirituality is wise spirituality...it is right spirituality.
Where the hell is the Spirit of God in that? Yikes. My apologies for that outburst (even thought I could've edited it out).
Here is what I see. The apostles were spiritually bi-polar...until...the Spirit of God came into the picture. Then, there's this...1 Corinthians 2:4-5. Look it up real quick...Go ahead, get your Bible...I will wait...Alright. Look at it. "Demonstration of the Spirit's power...so that your faith might not rest on men's wisdom, but on God's power."
So. Where is the power these days? Anybody having one of those lives that is clean? Anybody having a not messy life? My life is a friggin trash heap of a mess. And you know what? It's beautiful.
Think about that word. Beautiful. Full of beauty. I know some beautiful people, I know some hot people. I have seen beautiful things before that demand taking a picture, real if not just in your mind. I have had beautiful moments in my life that no one else can ever see or know the depths of. I've looked into beautiful eyes full of grace and the future. But, this mess...this beautiful mess. It is the very raw material of the Spirit of God.
::: SHIFT :::
I would like to apologize to myself. I often think you need to do better. I often beat you up about how others may perceive this time in your life. Get godly I say. I tell you that your development in godliness is not good enough, that things would be different, if only. That the dreams you had were not big enough, or not now enough, or not then enough. If only you would read this book, pray like this or sing like that, and, even dress like this or look like that. But, that is not the Power of the Spirit of God. So my friend...it's gonna be messy...and it's gonna be the adventure! Think you have it in you?
You don't. But, by a demonstration of the Spirit's power...you will.
Sunday, September 18, 2005
not sure if I should do this...
Well, I am not fully-convinced that this is the right thing to do. But, this is going to be a place for you to follow along my latest journey.
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